“I find myself increasingly thinking about what she would say, or what she would do, in any given situation in my life. It is as though her absence highlights the possibilities of her presence. In the empty space where her form would inhabit, the probabilities of her actions exist. By not being here, I’m left wondering what would happen if she was.
If distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it certainly makes the mind more thoughtful (and pleasantly distracted).”
The above paragraph was taken from my Facebook status update a few days ago. These past few days, I have been increasingly thoughtful about my own experiences with long distance relationships.
I met my Hungarian girlfriend while undertaking a one-year exchange to Japan last year (I was also there when the Tohoku Earthquake took place. But that is a different story. Which I shall share in a different post.) Since then, we have returned to our respective countries to finish our degrees (My BA, and her Masters).
A constant question I have been asking myself has its roots back in my Literature classes while talking about the concept of desire: “Do we desire a person? Or do we desire the desiring of that person?”
In other words, do I miss my girlfriend because I miss her? Or do I miss her because I love the bittersweet feeling of missing her?
I’m still thinking about that question. But I certainly hope that the answer is not the latter. And I hope she never reads this, if not she might get the wrong idea. (Ooops…)
But I am certain of one thing, though… Every day I’m away from her, is another day that I spend thinking about her actually being here.